Great Lines!

This weekend I got to spend some time with Bill Underwood a longtime hockey person and scout for the Ontario Hockey League. We got telling some old stories and talking about some of the funny hockey quotes we had heard over the years. Some of them obviously are not for print…. But some are great and so I had our research team look for some of the more memorable hockey quotes. Enjoy!
We’ll start with two of my favorites.
“Guys…..Guys…..settle down…….we are not that bad!!!! We are not that bad!!!!!……we just play in a really good league.” Doug Smail, addressing his teammates from the expansion days Ottawa Senators after falling behind to the Boston Bruins 6-0 after one period.
Harry Neale on the broadcast of Hockey Night in Canada from Los Angeles when the camera panned the crowd and showed Sylvester Stallone sitting in between two attractive blond ladies. “now there is Sly Stallone with the only two good wingers in the place……..”
“Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental.” Jim McKenny.
“By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series.” Steve Rushin.
“I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.” Rodney Dangerfield.
“We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don’t even have to go to the hospital.” Brad Park.
“We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.” Bobby Clarke.
“We can’t win at home…..we can’t win on the road…..we are running out of places to play…..” Harry Neale.
“One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.” Glenn Healy, on his time in the minors.
“I had to pinch myself seeing the grassy knoll and the book suppository building.” Trevor Linden, on viewing the site of John F. Kennedy’s assassination in Dallas.
“It felt like a golf swing and my head was on the tee.” Edmonton’s Tyler Wright, on being clubbed by Joe Murphy.
“This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us.” Steven Tyler, Aerosmith’s lead singer, after admiring the Stanley Cup.
“You’re playing worse every day and right now you’re playing like the middle of next week.” Herb Brooks, 1980 US Olympic hockey coach.
“I have to thank the guy who fired me because he was also the guy who hired me.” Serge Savard, on his firing from Montreal.
“A fast body-contact game played by men with clubs in their hands and knives laced to their feet.” – Paul Gallico
“I know my players don’t like my practices, but that’s OK because I don’t like their games.” – Harry Neale.
“It takes brains. It’s not like a forward, where you can get away with scoring and not play defense. On defense you have to be thinking.” – Chris Chelios
“It would have been worse if we hadn’t blocked the kick after Toronto’s second touchdown.” – Alex Delvecchio
“My former wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million dollars.”- Bobby Hull
“When I look at the net I don’t see a goalie.” – Pavel Bure
“When I look at the net I see 2 or 3 goalies.” – Radek Dvorak.
“Goaltenders are 3 sandwiches shy of a picnic. From the moment primitive man lurched erect, he survived on the principle that when something hard and potentially lethal comes toward you at great velocity, get the hell out of it’s path.” – Jim Taylor
“Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40mph chess.” – Lowell Cohn
“They say you’re not a coach in the league till you’ve been fired. I must be getting pretty good.” – Terry Simpson
“We’ve made a final offer. We hope Ziggy Palffy will come to his senses. We have NO hope his agent will.” – Mike Milbury
“The hockey lockout of 1994-1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering… and can now get down to some serious bloodshed!” – Conan O’Brien
You gotta love this game!!!!!

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